Empty Nest Syndrome

How to turn absence into opportunity

It is surprising how human beings have given a name to almost every stage of life, recognizing not only the milestones, but also the emotional challenges that accompany them.

One of these is the so-called Empty Nest Syndrome, which marks the moment when children leave home and parents find themselves rethinking their daily lives and identities.

Since I am going through this myself—my second child left just a week ago to study abroad—I decided to take stock of the situation. As a coach, I approach every challenge with analysis, strategies, and practical solutions, and I want to apply the same approach to this delicate and intense period, trying to transform nostalgia and uncertainty into opportunities for growth and new discoveries.

The term Empty Nest was coined in 1914 by Dorothy Canfield Fisher in her book Mothers and Children. Dorothy Canfield Fisher was a successful American writer, educational reformer, and social activist. She was a strong advocate for women's rights, racial equality, and education. In 1911, she helped spread the Montessori method in the United States and was named one of the ten most influential women in America at that time.

According to Canfield, the Empty Nest describes very well the emotional challenges of parents, especially women, who face a sense of emptiness due to the departure of their children, leading to a sense of loss and a change in the family structure.

According to American social psychologist Carin Rubenstein, author of Beyond the Mommy Years, published in 2007, Empty Nest Syndrome goes through three stages: mourning (sadness and sense of loss), relief (acceptance and new interests), and finally joy (independence, well-being, and relationships). Her research shows that the Empty Nest condition is not a permanent state, but a transitional phase that can open up to a fulfilling life after parenthood.

The fact is that these stages—grief, relief, and joy—can be experienced fully, partially, or even skipped altogether, depending on one's personality and circumstances. There is no rigid path: everyone goes through this period in their own unique way, perhaps returning to certain emotions several times; it is the natural circularity of life, where changes lead to reflection, adaptation, and new opportunities for personal growth.

Furthermore, the way families deal with their children leaving home varies greatly between cultures. In the West, it is common for children to leave home to study, work, or find love, becoming independent. In other cultures, however, there is a tendency to maintain closer family ties, encouraging children to stay close and participate in the life of the extended family for as long as possible.

From a coaching perspective, I believe it is essential to focus on a few key themes:

1. Accept the situation:

The first step is to recognize that things are changing. It is natural to feel a sense of loss, but naming our emotions—sadness, nostalgia, loneliness, but also curiosity and hope—helps us manage them. It is important to be kind to ourselves and those around us: it is not about resisting life, but about embracing it as it is.

2. Cultivate relationships:

At times like this, the support of others is essential. Talk to your partner, friends, colleagues, or other parents: sharing your emotions helps you feel less alone and can lead to valuable advice. Investing in relationships also means investing in yourself. This is the right time to resume projects that have been put on hold and try something new and unexpected. Personally, I am thinking of signing up for a freediving course to recharge my energy and enthusiasm.

3. Redefine your relationship with your children:

Your children have become young adults. This is an opportunity to establish new rules, clarify any misunderstandings, and rediscover them as independent individuals. Give them the benefit of the doubt, listen to them without prejudice, and discover how their independence is growing: it is a new phase in your relationship that can become extraordinarily rich and fulfilling.

4. Focus on the future:

The future is yet to be written, both for you and for your children and family. This stage of life can become a unique opportunity for personal growth, rediscovering your interests, and continuous evolution. Looking ahead with curiosity and an open mind transforms nostalgia into motivation and enthusiasm for what is to come.

Easier said than done. The secret lies in small steps: embracing emotions, making conscious choices, and dedicating time to yourself without guilt. Life has become longer, and as women and mothers, we have new possibilities, new projects, and new adventures ahead of us.

Remember: if your emotions become too heavy or persistent, seeking professional support is not a sign of weakness, but of strength and self-care.

This moment, if approached with awareness and concrete strategies, can become one of the richest and most stimulating periods of your life. It is a time to rediscover yourself, your passions, and your energy: the Nest is emptying, but life is opening up to new horizons.

Dedicated to Olimpia and Vittorio, whom I miss terribly.